Holy Mackeral by ALAN SHAPIRO for Stocksy United

Holy Mackeral

"Holy Mackeral!" Yup...that's what I screamed loud enough for several nearby seagulls to scatter. A side note on seagulls: my experience, they prefer Doritos, Fritos or Cheese Doodles especially when tossed in the air with strategic placement over the group that set up camp much too close to my ocean-front fiefdom and fortress camp and have chosen to talk way too loudly about utterly inane topics while play ridiculously pathetic music at a disturbing volume. Oh yes. Feed them enough snack food covered in powdered flavorings and they will inevitably poop and poop again. The key is working with the wind and timing your tosses so they do not fall on the encroaching enemy ladies from Longggg Island alerting them to your plan of attack. Ahh, summer. Ahhhh, but I digress. So I yelled "Holy Mackeral!" and this fellow turns and fixes me with this look. Anyone else see a preacher on a pulpit staring down his flock of sinners? Or a old-school school teacher getting ready to dispense some corporal punishment? Perhaps this is the mad (as in crazy) serial-killing Pelican responsible for the ongoing she-crab and starfish decimation. Could this be the Hannibal Lechter of Pelicans contemplating a gently sautéed Mackeral with Fava Beans and a nice Chianti? Or maybe yelling "Holy Mackeral!" is akin to Marie Antoinette saying "Let them eat cake." to the starving masses and I was being sternly reprimanded. Or maybe he just wanted sardines.

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Image #33670
Uploaded 6 April, 2013

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